They Call Me a Cliff Diver

This morning I awoke to the sounds of a roomate of mine fighting with an ex girlfriend. He had thrown away something from their relationship and she was upset he had given it the curb. She cried out, "You can't throw it away! It means something!" He told her she could take it, but she wasn't interested because it reminded her of him. He didn't want it so it went in the trash. Nothing like waking up early, especially when you had plans to sleep in till 2 (or at least 11.)


Today quite possibly could've been my birthday. I say this because it was unexpectedly extravagent. Stocked full of glorious surprises and social interactions. I learned that Wild Cherry Pepsi is not part of a good nutritious breakfast. Eating leftover popcorn from the night before is surprisingly unsatisfying, there are copyright laws that are enforced diligently by Walmart of all places, and lastly I learned that I haven't grown up at all in the past 4 years... make that 17 years.

Am I a total redneck or am I a crafty genius for fixing my broken headlight with electrical tape? Time will tell, I imagine it won't be to my benifit. Anyways, I was lectured at Walmart today by a large and in charge photo center associate. Apparently old style state fair photos are copyrighted and Walmart doesn't print copyrighted photos. They had already printed them, but the fatty wouldn't sell them to me because I was a copyright infringer. So he hid them under a white paper and sent me away with a scolding, I assume he plans to hang the pictures in his den or nursery. I am amazed that Walmart, the scurge of the seven seas has taken to becoming robocop. Half thrift store, half retired mall cop, half parking lot, all low prices.

Since my loving sister and cousin braved the treacherous road to come visit, spontaneously, I thought I would spontaneously drop all I was doing, and also all I was going to pretend to be doing, to brave the elements and meet them for dinner. We went to Applebees. I was skeptical at first, and then again as we left. I browsed the menu and wondered aloud, very aloud, "Aren't they supposed to be famous for something besides their apples?" I had intended to be clever, and it probably was at the time, but looking back... Wow. Lame. We all ended up getting steak, except Brittany who reminded us that there is a 30% chance of getting puppy when ordering steak. We braved the odds and came out on top, except Jessie who ended up with puppy. To my utter amazement, the plate was half filled with brocoli. What?! Brocoli. Who eats brocoli with steak? Who eats a half plate of brocoli? Ever. It was at this moment, and earlier when I realized my own maturity, or rather lack thereof. I got bored waiting for the food and made a sandwich for my gum between two sugar packets, then wrapped the packets in electrical tape. I tore a napkin and then electical taped it back together. Then when the waitress brought Jessie her hot chocolate, it was covered in whipped cream which she hates. She said "I forgot to ask for no whipped cream!" That second I reached over and scooped all the whipped cream out of her cup with my hand and put it into my mouth coating my face. It was an act of love, not immaturity. I think I am just misunderstood, not a social deviant or childish wanker.