I Dub Thee, Sir Tanlee

I was havin an interesting conversation the other day about why it was that probably every woman on the planet Earth wanted to marry The Rock. After just watching the Rock in a new movie I thought to myself, "Why wouldn't you want to marry the Rock." I would not be surprised to find with the use of several highly recommended private investigators and a clipboard carrying scientist or two, that all men in fact wished secretly (and others not so secretly) that they were the Rock. Perhaps surprisingly at the end of this conversation I was asked if I wished I was the Rock. I had to answer honestly, "No. If I could be anyone I would want to be Dave Grohl."

Obviously Dave Grohl is the only choice when such a question is put forward. How could you possibly even consider anyone else. Grohl is legendary, even choosing to ignore in the decision making process that he was a member of Nirvana. I won't go into the details of why I believe Mr. Grohl is the ultimate incarnation of a rock star, worthy of praise and emulation. Suffice it to say he is one cool dude and I would most certainly salute the man if for some strange reason we crossed paths on the street.

Speaking of Dave Grohl and throwing Monkey Wrenches into otherwise carefully laid plans...

It was a cool, fall evening with leaves breaking free from the trees with each pull of the wind as it would gust along on its journey to everywhere and nowhere all at once. An aged, yellow schoolbus rattled down the dark road as the moon graced the world with a portion of its presence. The windows of the bus rattled as if ready to fall out every time there was a bump in the road or crack in the pavement. The seats were filled with anxious children pawing at the ratty green seats they occupied in pairs. They had been travelling for what seemed a very long time, and the end was even further away. It would still be several hours before the bus would pull into the empty parking lot of the high school and open its raspy, hinged door releasing its weary passengers back into the world. The freedom of fresh air and a warm bed waiting at home were still too far away to focus on now. Doing so would only make the trip drag on. Most of the students in the bus were fortunate enough to be sitting with friends, talking about all of the completely unimportant things that are life engulfing when a teenager. I was no exception, sitting next to a good friend talking about skateboarding and sales at Hot Topic. I found myself looking out the window staring into the blurring background of a world I was somehow once attached to but now seemed to be speeding through. My friend then offered me one earbud of a pair, a clear sacrifice on a trip covering such great distances. I placed the bud up to my ear, the jumbled noise becoming more comprehensible as I drew it closer until it became the indisputable sound of the Foo Fighter's "Monkey Wrench." The sound seemed to bring warmth with the pulse of the music. I had been given a dose of the ultimate drug when trapped in an uncomfortable situation- music.

After a while of listening to music and passing the time with our spirits elevated we turned to an honored American tradition, that of the Dare. My friend dared me to eat a few "After Coffee Mints." These mints are considered very potent and one is advertised to cure bad breath for weeks. While the science behind such a boast may seem fundamentally flawed, the strength of these particular mints was indeed potent. Hence the dare to eat not one, but several of these powerful mints. I readily accepted the challenge, not only as a way to merely pass the time, but further driven by the various implications of declining a dare challenge upon my reputation.

The tiny white and blue speckled orbs fell into the palm of my hand from the metal container, radiating like the stars somewhere above currently sheilded by the gross, green paint covered metal that served as the roof of the bus. I tossed the mints into my mouth and they quickly began to dissolve and spread a strong icy mint flavor across the expanse of my mouth. My tongue tingled before taking an extended vacation from the overkill and intensity of the mints. It was hardly an enjoyable experience, though not terribly uncomfortable, especially when considering the gratification and respect that follows the successful completion of a dare. However, like all challenges and dares, when one is completed another is sure to follow and to build upon the difficulty of those that came before. Such was the inevitable case on this long bus ride home. The second and final dare, to eat 100 of the potent death mints. This was an olympic sized challenge presented me. Already feeling confident after my earlier success I agreed to the undertaking. If I was to be remembered for something, it would be for completing a challenge few would dare to attempt. I took the remaining mints from the container, and after counting them up returned the two extra back to await breath freshening duties on another day. I decided the best way to accomplish my goal would be to try and swallow them all at once, rather than to take them a mint at a time.

I looked down at my hand, covered with snow globe impersonators, then looked forward at my uncertain future. With that I threw the deadly tablets into my already numb mouth. I attempted to swallow them all, but it was an impossible task with my mouth so full. The longer the mints remained there, the more uncomfortable it became. I swallowed the rest of the mints with relative ease, and found myself surprised by how easy the process had been. I had expected much more discomfort, or death. If I was somehow disappointed by the apparent lack of challenge, I need have only waited for fortune was about to change. Within minutes I felt a glacial tremor from my stomach much like what I suspect killed the dinosaurs. If my stomach had feelings, which I am convinced that it did, it was most displeased at my failure to rationally predict this outcome and decline the childish challenge before coming face to face with this predicament. I rode the rest of the way home with pain in my stomach. Luckily the trip ended sooner rather than later, and I was able to walk it off like a champ. It was a night filled with adventure and lessons to be learned, fortunately I left without learning a thing.